Grow UP
Emotional child in an adult body
Grow UP – if only it was easy… In my coaching practice I have heard more than one client explaining: “I have 2 kids, actually 3 – my husband is one of them.” However, this doesn’t mean that emotional immaturity is a problem exclusive to men only.
How does it show?
The emotionally underdeveloped adult shows up as a person that can be highly functional in work and social setting – successful and accomplished, even charming and profoundly intelligent. But often, the relational life and the inner world are compromised. Typical signs are avoidant or impulsive behaviour, excuses and delays, blaming others and lack of empathy. Emotions might either escalate very quickly or are suppressed. Immaturity allows you to make YOU the centre of your universe, your own needs and interests are set above those of others.
What hinders people to grow UP?
Whether childhood trauma, overprotective or negligent caregivers or some different reason, there is always a pain on a deep subconscious level. And the wound and hurt have not been dealt with sufficiently.
What now?
The emotionally immature can make an intentional effort to grow UP. It starts with growing in understanding and self-awareness. At other times, a serious setback and the correlating pain can become growth points, leading to a growth journey.
As a coach one of the most important learnings I try to facilitate is moving from:
trigger event -> causing automatic reaction (often non-productive) to
trigger event-> causing you to stop – observe – think -> leading to an intentional response (productive).
The higher the awareness around a self-authored response, the higher the responsibility: the response-ability. A strong sense of self-control does not prevent failing and falling short. However, failing is not the problem. Not growing is.
